Watts You Talkin' 'Bout, Friendly's.

The other day, my friend* told me how thrilled she was that her mom had recently dropped off her favorite summer-seasonal dessert, an ice cream roll made by New England-y favorite, Friendly's.

The roll is composed of three different types of sherbet (watermelon, lemon, and lime) and is shaped to look like a slice of watermelon. For those of you who can't visualize even the most obvious, the lemon-lime sherbet makes up the rind, and the watermelon sherbet is even dotted with chocolate chips which function as delicious little seeds.

Sounds like a perfectly innocent summertime treat, yes? Sure, if you don't like black people.

You see, this sherbet roll is actually called a Wattamelon Roll.

Wattamelon? Wow, maybe they should just offer a piece of fried chicken and an afro pick with every purchase of a Wattamelon Roll. Seems blatantly racist to me, but maybe Friendly's has some kind of explanation?

I decided to go straight to the source and wrote a letter to Friendly's management via their website. Below is my actual letter:

"Dear Friendly's:

Ever since E.T. shoved those Reese's Pieces in his mouth, I've been a fan of your Reese's Pieces Sundae. However, for the sake of full disclosure, I'm not sure if my love of the sundae has less to do with your ice cream than it does with E.T.'s memorable fingers. You see, they look eerily similar to my own, and I'm a big fan of myself.

As much as you'd like to hear more about me, I'll move on. A friend recently told me about her own favorite Friendly's summer-seasonal dessert, the Wattamelon Roll. Frankly it doesn't appeal to me because until "sherbet" is spelled "sherbert", I refuse to touch the stuff on principle alone.

But, I'm interested in hearing the origins of Wattamelon, this not-so-terribly clever name, because it seems to me that Friendly's may not be so friendly to certain people.

So I ask you: Watt you talkin' 'bout, Friendly's?

Wattamelon? You couldn't have come up with something a little less racist? Look, I'm no scholar, but off the top of my head, I'm thinking Watermelon Roll or Wantamelon Roll might fit the bill. But again, that's just me taking a few seconds. Who knows what your marketing department could come up with? Probably not something as clever as Wantamelon, but I'm sure they're mildly capable people.

So please, at your convenience, provide some information on this Wattamelon name. If I were you, I'd change it, but that's because I care about black people.

Thanks, Friendly's.

Best regards,

Prongs Ofla

p.s. I like your Fribbles."

So, I'll let you know when I hear back. In the meantime, take the poll in the sidebar and tell me if you think "Wattamelon" is racist.

Don't worry, I'll judge you either way.

*My friend is simultaneously confused and disturbed every time she takes a bite of this summertime treat because while she doesn't wish to support racist products, such product is decidedly delicious.