Meow-Mixed.

Whitney Houston just released the cover for her new album. And look, I like a comeback just as much as anyone (are you listening, Flock of Seagulls?), but does a comeback mean you have to come back with a new face?

OK, but please don't make me look to you.

Listen, I expect it from someone like Courtney Love–someone who didn't have much to work with to begin with–but you, Whitney Houston? Whitney Houston, we used to look at you and actually believe that children are our future. But now? Now we look at your face from that one moment in time, and frankly, it makes us think an alien race of felines is going to take over the world.

I'm every woman. (Literally.)

And I'm allergic to cats, so I don't particularly want to treat them well and let them lead the way, if you're picking up what I'm throwing down.

But I suspect you can't even see what I've thrown down since by the looks of it, your scalpel-friendly eyes can no longer register perspective or depth. Which is interesting because you were married to Bobby Brown before any of this happened.

At any rate, I hope your new album is a good one. I want it to be an album so great that it's gonna make me wanna dance with somebody–somebody who loves me. OK, so that means I'll be dancing alone. And sure, it's not right, but it's okay. At least I won't look like a British Shorthair.

Bob-bay!