In his defense, who among us hasn't authorized a confidential staged photo-op using Air Force One tailed by a F-16 fighter jet flying ridiculously over lower Manhattan? Come on, name one person who wouldn't want a photo of that majestic 747 buzzing Lady Liberty? (The people visiting the Statue of Liberty this morning?) Slap that image on a Franklin Mint commemorative plate, and this recession will disappear faster than, well, Louis Caldera.
In Caldera's defense, I'm sure it seemed like a great idea at the time:
"Director Caldera, the air force would like a snap shot of AF1 flying past the Statue of Liberty. We'll alert the FAA, but otherwise we'd like to keep it a confidential mission. Can we make this happen?"
"What's the harm? Besides, who's gonna notice a 970,000 pound plane flying around lower Manhattan anyway? Oh, and I want a copy of the photo for my wallet."
Say, does your resume fit in that wallet?
Not only were Schumer and Bloomberg furious – during the news conference Bloomberg actually turned a shade of red that typically only people having massive heart attacks or tomatoes can pull off – but worse, it was also said that Obama is irate. And if there's anything more terrifying than clowns and creepy children in horror movies, it's insanely calm people when they're angry.
And I know what you're going to say, but photoshop is way too lame a solution for the government. Saying, "Remember that day I authorized Stan to photoshop Air Force 1 in front of Lady Liberty?" just doesn't have the same panache as, "Remember that day I authorized the U-S-of fucking A airforce to pilot that motherfucking badass plane and buzz the shit out of the Statue of Liberty?" Come on, that's a no-brainer. (Also Caldera's new nickname!)
I don't know what will happen to Caldera, but everyone makes mistakes. Like that time last week when I went to Mexico and made out with that pig.
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