Sad news to report: Prongs is retiring.
I kid, I kid. I couldn't do that to you (not yet!). And if the amount of panicked emails you sent wondering about my whereabouts is any indication, your lives without prongs would not be worth living (just ask Goldblum!).
But I guess I should explain my absence. Funny story, really...
Continuing my "I Am A Good Person" trend, I decided to spend my week volunteering my time and helping the firemen fight the L.A. fires by sending them good thoughts from the comfort of my Barcalounger. Least I could do, really. I mean, how was I supposed to know that a little magnifying glass could do so much damage? Trust me, if you had seen the beetle that I saw, you'd want a closer look too!
Unfortunately, I didn't get to see too much of that beetle because that poor guy was just singed silly. Happened fast, too. And then before I knew it, the grass caught fire. Believe me, had I known the vegetation was so dry, I would've brought a bigger bottle of water, but how was I supposed to know that L.A. is a freaking timber box? You wouldn't have known it either!
So, I did the next best thing: I started a "control burn" in order to put the first fire out. I'd seen firefighters do it on TV, and TV never lies, so how could this go wrong?. And you would've done the same thing had you been in my shoes (size 14!), you know it!
Well, I don't know what I did wrong, but instead of the one fire extinguishing the other, the two fires double-crossed me and joined forces. Turns out fires are way harder to put out than they are to start. So, I did the responsible thing and fled on my Rascal 655. I mean, I'm not stupid – I saw what happened to that beetle. And you would've done the same thing!
While I was driving away, I dialed 911 – after placing a few leftover slices of ham over the receiver to muffle my voice, naturally. The operator sure was surprised to hear "Scott Bakula" reporting a wild fire, but she was appreciative nonetheless. You would've done the same thing!
So, I spent the remainder of the week watching the fire on TV. Big fire, too. Frankly, I blame the beetle.
But you can breathe easy (if you don't live in L.A.!), because unlike that beetle, I'm still around.
I kid, I kid. I couldn't do that to you (not yet!). And if the amount of panicked emails you sent wondering about my whereabouts is any indication, your lives without prongs would not be worth living (just ask Goldblum!).
But I guess I should explain my absence. Funny story, really...
Continuing my "I Am A Good Person" trend, I decided to spend my week volunteering my time and helping the firemen fight the L.A. fires by sending them good thoughts from the comfort of my Barcalounger. Least I could do, really. I mean, how was I supposed to know that a little magnifying glass could do so much damage? Trust me, if you had seen the beetle that I saw, you'd want a closer look too!
Unfortunately, I didn't get to see too much of that beetle because that poor guy was just singed silly. Happened fast, too. And then before I knew it, the grass caught fire. Believe me, had I known the vegetation was so dry, I would've brought a bigger bottle of water, but how was I supposed to know that L.A. is a freaking timber box? You wouldn't have known it either!
So, I did the next best thing: I started a "control burn" in order to put the first fire out. I'd seen firefighters do it on TV, and TV never lies, so how could this go wrong?. And you would've done the same thing had you been in my shoes (size 14!), you know it!
Well, I don't know what I did wrong, but instead of the one fire extinguishing the other, the two fires double-crossed me and joined forces. Turns out fires are way harder to put out than they are to start. So, I did the responsible thing and fled on my Rascal 655. I mean, I'm not stupid – I saw what happened to that beetle. And you would've done the same thing!
While I was driving away, I dialed 911 – after placing a few leftover slices of ham over the receiver to muffle my voice, naturally. The operator sure was surprised to hear "Scott Bakula" reporting a wild fire, but she was appreciative nonetheless. You would've done the same thing!
So, I spent the remainder of the week watching the fire on TV. Big fire, too. Frankly, I blame the beetle.
But you can breathe easy (if you don't live in L.A.!), because unlike that beetle, I'm still around.
1 comments:
A Rascal 655? Hot shit, girl! That thing hits 5mph, if I'm not mistaken. I've got myself a Rascal 710. It's really more of a powerchair than a scooter. Fortunately for me, it's sturdy and powerful enough to accommodate up to 550 lbs. To quote the Kool-Aid Man, "Oh, yeah!"
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